Strongest man around

time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice.
“I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man.
“What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?”
The man replied, “I work for the IRS.”

Car is Full Nuns

Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they know who we are; show them your cross.”
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fookin’ little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!”
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, “Did that sound cross enough…

The Woman got up on Stage

up out of
their seats to leave. One
by one, all left, but for
one man. She kept singing
until she finished her part.
The man beamed up at her,
“Wow, that was quite a
performance, have you ever thought of going professional?”
Surprised, she responds need, “umm…no?”
As he stood up to leave, he said, “a good decision…”

Penguin Takes his Car

and he ends up covered in melted ice cream.
When he returns to the shop, the mechanic
takes one look at him and says,
“Looks like you blew a seal.”
“No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.”