Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

I’m afraid you’re going to
have to stop m@sturbating.”
“I don’t understand, doc,”

the patient says. “Why?”
“Because,” the doctor says.
“I’m trying to examine you.”

Next day the blonde came…
home and went to her mother and said, “Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! …. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!”
The mother says, “Very good honey.” The blonde then asked. “Is that because I’m a blonde, Mommy?” The mother responds, “Yes dear.”
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts.
Is that because I’m a blonde, Mommy?” And the mother responds, “No Honey, it’s because you’re twenty five.”

An old man is selling watermelons. His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10
A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. “That’d be 3 dollars”, says the old man.
The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.
As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, “Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing.”
The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, “People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business…”

bodyguard and says “ Thank you, but
why did you yell Mickey Mouse”
The bodyguard replies “Sorry Sir,
I meant to say Donald, Duck.”

off, and he’ll be fine.”
“Are you a vet?” I asked.
He replied, “Vet?… I’m fucking soaking.”

crawled out from under her skirt and said,

“I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Syria.”

The nun said, “I understand completely.”

The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”

The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don’t want to go to Syria either.”