Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, ‘Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem.” Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said. Brian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” said Brian. “Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”

semen way too quickly. If he doesn’t msturbate at least thrice a day, his testicles will explode.” In the next room, another male patient is being given a blwjob by a gorgeous female nurse. “What’s going
on in there?” asks the President.
“Same problem, better insurance.”

infinite number of us? Just play along”

“There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks.
I couldn’t serve you half a beer even if I wanted to.”

“But that’s not a problem” mathematician #3 chimes in “at
the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers.
You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-“

“I know how limits work” interjects the bartender “Oh, alright then.
I didn’t want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics”

“Are you kidding me?” The bartender replies, “you learn limits in like,
9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?”

“HE’S ON TO US” mathematician #1 screeches

Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours
a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing
insects of a different shade. The mosquitoes form into a singular,
polychromatic swarm. “FOOLS” it booms in unison, “I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA”

The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. “But wait” he
inturrupts, thinking fast, “if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe
as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!”

The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. “My God, you’re right. We didn’t
think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!” and with that, they vanish.

A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. “How did you know that that would work?”

“It’s simple really,” the bartender says. “I saw that the vectors formed a gradient,
and therefore must be conservative.”

“No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

with Eve and know her.” “Lord, what is ‘know her’?”
asks Adam. God replies,

“You must make love to Eve.” “Lord, what is ‘make love?”
asks Adam. God explains,

And Adam smiles and takes Eve behind a bush. A few seconds later,
Adam returns and asks, “Lord, what is a headache?”

waiting on the other sides and immediately decides to give it a try.
While slipping his junk into the first hole, he notices there’s a
small American flag on the wall.

From behind the wall, he hears “Rub-a-dub-dub! Thanks for the grub!”
and promptly receives incredible oral that leaves him breathless.

Thinking it would be a waste to leave now, he walks up to a second
hole with a Japanese flag above it and inserts his johnson.

From behind the wall, he hears “Itadakimasu!” and receives
mind-blowing service that almost makes his knees buckle.

Excited to try another, he eagerly walks up to a third hole with
a French flag above it and places his member into the hole.

From behind the wall, he hears “Bon appétit!”, but quickly
takes his junk back out.

Confused, the French woman behind the wall peers through the
hole and sees the man putting his pants back on with a sad
expression and shuffling back to the exit,
muttering “…it’s not THAT petite…”