Husband Wife Jokes – Funny

Priest replied, ‘Take your husband to that
woman’s doorsteps… and check if WiFi connects automatically’

I had fight with husband last night..
Mother in law: OK< then how this
bed has been broken? She: Actually,
we had patched up

After all, my phone never leaves me on read!”

happily munching on carrots and nuts.

for her … Why can’t you do the same?”
“Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

“No, that’s not it,” the boy replied. “It’s my mom. She said that
if I kiss a girl before I’m sixteen, I’ll turn into a statue.
And I could feel it starting already.”

25 years earlier, I showed it to her, thinking we should rehang
the picture. After gazing at my message for a few seconds,
she replied, “You know, I think a black marker would cover over
all that so that we could sell it.” Keith Chambers

Husband comes back with a
bottle of whisky/wine..

racehorse I put a bet on a few days ago’. Satisfied, the wife apologised to her husband.
Several days later the husband is lounging on the sofa when his wife comes up behind him and snacks him over the head.
‘WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?’, he roared, leaping up and holding his head in pain.
The wife tossed the phone at him and said ‘Your horse called’.

A couple of days before the wedding, she called me at the house to help her make the
invitation cards. When I arrived, there was no one at the house. I went upstairs to her bedroom, knocked and went in. I sat down beside her, and started making the cards.
After a while, she said “Before you get married, I want to fuck you just once. Please”
I got up, went out of the room and after opening the door of the house, I saw my parents, fiance, and my future in-laws running towards me with tears in their eyes, saying “You’ve passed!”
Moral of the story: Always keep the condoms in the car!

and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve’s buddies
arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.

He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing
rod in hand, and a campfire glowing.

“How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?” “I didn’t have to,”
Steve replied. “Yesterday, when I left work,

I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because
I couldn’t go fishing. Then my lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said,

‘Surprise’. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see
through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed, and you
can do whatever you want,’ So, Here I am!”

I don’t want to play monopoly
with him anymore.

during school pick-up.

“Something, did I forget?”…
she asks.
“The Italian girl I asked for,” he replies jokingly.
“Oh, that,” she says. “Well, I did what I could.
Now we have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl.”

…..-she replied.

He pushed some more through the gap and asked, “Does that scare you?” “Nope” she said laughing. He then said, “Alright, you seem to be okay with it. I am coming up the stairs now!”