Husband and Wife Conversation

Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing. Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.

Large Woman in the Bar

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!” So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?” That’s about as far as I remember

Cop Gets Insulted

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, “Did Santa get you that?” “Yes,” replies the little girl. “Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!” “Well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!”

Argument Between Husband and Wife

A hardcore Chartered Accountant gets home late one night.

His wife angry and upset, says, “Where the hell have you been?”

He replies, “I was out getting a tattoo!”

“A tattoo?” She frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?”

“I got a thousand Dollar note on my privates,” he said proudly.

“What the hell were you thinking?” She said, shaking her head in disgust, “What is wrong with this man, why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a thousand Dollar note tattooed on his bloody privates?”

one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. 
Three, I like how money feels in my hand. 
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a thousand bucks anytime you want!”

Wife faints… 

Wife Habits S3X

Husband To His 22 Year Wife After Their 1st Night.
Why You Didn’t Make Any Noise Like “Ah, Uh, Oh During the S3X .”
Wife: “I Stopped That At Silly Habit Since 18Th Age“