Naughty Jokes

Mr Very Rich Clay, what is your second wish?”

“Yeah I know but she has a
great personality.”

his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”

He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.” So the magistrate kept listening; “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

that said: “Mike, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the
first medical practitioner to sleep with one of your
patients, and you won’t be the last. And you’re single.
Just let it go, Mike.”

But invariably another voice in his head would bring
him back to reality, whispering:

What’s wrong with you Mike, you’re a veterinarian.

turns around and says,
“Don’t worry, dear.

That was just an insect.”
“Wow,” the boy replies.

“I’m surprised it could
get off the ground
with a cock like that!”

h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?”
J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Seven!”
T‌‌eacher: “‌‌Johnny, w‌‌here i‌‌n t‌‌he h‌‌eck d‌‌o y‌‌ou g‌‌et s‌‌even f‌‌rom?!”
J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Because I‌‌’ve a‌‌lready g‌‌ot a‌‌ f‌‌reaking c‌‌at!”

The clerk, somewhat used to sights such as this, nodded hello, then said, “It looks like you lost a shoe.”
The naked guy said, “Huh?”
The clerk pointed down at the fellow’s feet. “You lost a shoe.”
The hippie slowly moved his bloodshot gaze down towards the floor.
After staring silently at his feet for several seconds, he looked back up and spoke to the clerk.
“No I didn’t. I found one.”