Dirty Jokes

It’s been a month now and she’s
still not speaking to me

of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.

So I took off her bra and panties.
Then she says, “If I ever catch
you wearing my clothes again, I’m
telling mom and dad!”

What was the complaint?
Phil: We haven’t had any yet.

kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was perplexed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”
(via gcfl.net)

“Who names a drink ‘Steve?'”

single language, not one, in
which a double positive can
express a negative.”
A voice from the back of the
room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

the exact opposite effect – there is no way you can
enjoy yourself with a man between your legs if you’re thinking, ‘Hmm, Mum’d be proud.’”

of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha…
(Condom walks off laughing)”

the co-worker asked.
“You’re fired.”

I’ll help you
get the cart up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”
“Oh, come on now,” Elizabeth insisted.
She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive … I was weak. “Well okay,” I finally agreed but thought to myself, “my wife won’t like it.”
After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d best go now.”
“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”
“Still under the cart, I guess.”

is something missing in his bowl of soup.
The owner asks whether it is too spicy or
sweet or salty. When the food critic says
no, the owner decides to taste the soup

himself but he can’t find the spoon.
“Yeah,” says the critic, “that’s what is missing.”

Doctor: Tell Me About Your Problem.
Patient: I Just Did, You Stupid Bastard.