A Woman in Her 90s

“it is at the height of your
left nipple”
The elderly woman thanks the man
and ends the call.
A new day arrives and the doctor
reads the headline of his newspaper
“Elderly woman wants to commit suicide,
shoots herself in the knee”

My Aunt had a Hard Time

guess any position will do.” The bar owner thought for a few seconds. Then she said, “Madam, do you get around in a wheelchair?” A little taken aback, my aunt replied, “No. I hop around on crutches most of the time.” Again, the bartender paused, thinking. My aunt began to look a little concerned. Finally, the bar owner spoke. “Congratulations, you can come in for orientation next week.” Ecstatic, my aunt asked the bar owner what position she was being considered for. “Oh that became an easy answer once you told me you get around on crutches. We’re putting you in charge of the hops.”