1. I smile because you’re my sister, I laugh because you can’t do anything about it.
  2. Sisters are the crabs in the lawn of life!
  3. Sis, we are not getting older, we are getting awesome! Happy birthday!
  4. Am I not the coolest person you know sister?
  5. Sister, you are lucky to have me!
  6. My younger sister is my responsibility. If you mess with her, you will be messing with me too.
  7. Sister, you laugh, I laugh. You cry I cry. If you jump off a cliff, remember to do a flip!!
  8. Adventures with your sister, are not as sweet as chocolates. They are like a jar of jalapenos. What we do, always comes back to bite our ass tomorrow.
  9. Here’s to another year of getting closer to Velcro shoes, sister!
  10. Life is too short to be serious! If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me up. I will laugh at your sister. Any day.
  11. Sister, I like you better when you are asleep.
  12. Only I can make my sister cry! You, on the other hand, don’t even get to think about it.
  13. You’re like the first pancake sister, always a little weird.
  14. Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.
  15. “You keep your past by having sisters. As you get older, they’re the only ones who don’t get bored if you talk about your memories.”
  16. “More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.”
  17. You my sister are always there for me, and on your birthday I just want to say thank you!
  18. “Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
  19. “A sister will let you know when the outfit you’re trying on really doesn’t look fabulous.”
  20. “A sister will always notice her sister’s first gray hairs with glee.”
  21. “We may look old and wise to the outside world. But to each other, we are still in junior school.”
  22. “I finally moved out of my parent’s house. It was only fair to let my sister have her own room.”
  1. Did you know that best friends would not mind if your place is clean. All they need is beer.
  2. You may share all your secrets with me. They can be safe with my friends.
  3. While I was wondering how the ball was turning bigger in size, my friend hit me with it.
  4. Do you consider me your friend? Then be ready to pick my call 100 times a day.
  5. Yes buddy, I am ready to take a bullet from you. But only if you give me 1000 dollars.
  6. What if I say that potatoes can quarrel as they cannot see eye to eye.
  7. My boyfriend wanted a holiday so I sat home.
  8. My best friend is like pepperoni on pizza. Nevermind, it sounds right to me.
  9. Did you know that friends who like to work on algebra are called algebros?
  10. My friend got all cut. What? Yeah, he’s gone bald.
  11. Why do birds fly? That’s because it is easier than walking.
  12. Zero praised eight that it has got a stylish belt.
  13. You can be my friend as you match my level of craziness.
  14. Can you fix broken tomatoes? Yes, make them into a paste.
  15. My boyfriend and I laughed at how happy we were. But I ended up laughing more.
  16. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs
  17. What did the frustrated cat say? Are you kitten me right meow
  18. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality
  19. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything
  20. How did the hamburger know he needed new pants? His buns were showing
  21. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates
  22. What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain
  23. If you’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, what are you
  24. while you’re inside? European
  25. What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels
  26. When does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle
  27. What kind of cereal do dads like? Corn flakes
  28. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
  29. Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally
  30. If you see a robbery at an Apple store, what does it make you? An Iwitness
  1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
  2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”
  3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
  4. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
  5. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”
  6. I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey! The sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He Said, “Yes, but not in a row!”
  7. Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck! Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck! Condom: Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing)
  8. Yo mama so fat, she doesn’t need internet, she’s already worldwide.
  9. Teacher: How much is a gram? Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need
  10. Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
  11. Why are frogs always so happy? They eat what ever bugs them
  12. I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey! The sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He Said, “Yes, but not in a row!”
  13. Yo mama is so ugly she made my happy meal cry
  14. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
  15. Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck! Condom: Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing)

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. But, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one of those. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words

“antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

Funny Short Stories For 10 Year Olds

They’re Made Out of Meat by Terry Bisson

I love introducing students to science fiction. We really don’t use it enough in our English classes. In this story, two aliens discuss the bizarre new life form they’ve discovered and try to figure out how it thinks and lives. Your students will laugh out loud when they discover that the aliens are talking about humans and love figuring out the everyday activities and items the aliens just can’t seem to make sense of.

In class: This is perfect for introducing a new genre to students. After reading, ask students to craft their own science-fiction short story. As a class, brainstorm a list of activities of events that take place all the time that we think are totally normal. Then, ask students to write their version of an alien race trying to figure out a birthday party, after-school detention, or lunch in the school cafeteria.

Charles by Shirley Jackson

Written by the same woman who wrote the eerie short story “The Lottery,” this story is guaranteed to make students of all ages chuckle. The tale of the worst kindergarten student ever, as told by a student in the same class to his mother at the end of every school day, your students will love hearing all about Charles’s antics. The twist at the end of the tale will make students gasp and giggle.

In class: Perfect for lessons on irony, your students can debate whether Jackson’s funny short story demonstrates verbal, situational, or dramatic irony. I’ve also used this story to show students how an author can utilize dialogue as a method for developing characterization.22Thank You, Ma’am by Langston Hughes

Like “Charles,” this is another classic, well-known story. An older woman takes a young man under her wing after he attempts to steal her purse. As they spend time together, she teaches him a valuable lesson about life. It’s perfect for upper-elementary and middle school students.

In class: This is one of those funny short stories that lends itself to lessons about dialogue, diction, theme, and characterization. It’s also a great text to use for practice discussions or Socratic seminars. Students could easily develop questions about the actions of the characters. They could consider how they would have responded in the same situation. And they could even reimagine the story as if it were written today.

Lord Oakhurst’s Curse by O. Henry

2While many students will have read “The Gift of the Magi,” this short story by the same author is much less well known. Lord Oakhurst is dying, his wife is grieving (or is she?), and a doctor arrives to try to help. Your students will be shocked and amused by this quick read.

In class: Indirect characterization leaps to the foreground in this funny short story as students can debate whether Lord Oakhurst’s wife is truly as sad as she says she is throughout the story. The story also makes use of flashbacks, making it great for introducing or reviewing that concept.

2Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence by The Onion Staff

Satire is a tough genre for so many students. The popular satirical online news magazine The Onion comes to the rescue here with a hysterical piece that, while not a short story exactly, certainly tells a tale students will guffaw over. In the article, students learn the plight of a young man who almost received severe consequences for driving while under the influence. Some satirical pieces are almost too serious for students to see as satire, but this one does a great job of taking a serious subject and turning it on its head to make a point.

In class: This piece is perfect for students who aren’t ready to grapple with some of the more complex satirical pieces they’re often given in school. If your group isn’t quite ready for Swift’s A Modest Proposal, this is a great place to start. As an introduction to satire, pairing this piece with actual news reports of cases where privileged young people have received shockingly light sentences for serious crimes will definitely keep your students engaged (and enraged?).

Maddened by Mystery or The Defective Detective by Stephen Leacock

This short story caper takes on the classic detective trope and mocks it mercilessly. Over-the-top costumes, mistaken identities, and a ridiculous reveal make this a truly funny short story to share with your students.

In class: I wish I still taught the mystery unit I taught for many years so that I could add this funny short story to the mix. This is a perfect piece to introduce satire. It mocks many of the most common elements of typical detective stories in a truly hilarious fashion.

There Was Once by Margaret Atwood

Given her popularity in current popular culture, Margaret Atwood is an author our students should know. This short story about a fairy-tale writer receiving some “constructive criticism” on how to make their story more inclusive is sure to inspire reactions among your middle or high schoolers.

In class: This is a great short story to use when teaching the importance of how dialogue can impact tone. Additionally, it would be a great piece to bring to any discussion of whether or not students should read “old” stories that have language or ideas that are considered problematic today.

Two Cats And The Monkey Story:

One day two cats were arguing over a piece of bread. They kept fighting over how much each of them should get. A monkey was perched on a tree nearby and was watching the argument happen. He called out to the cats and said he was willing to help them split their bread. He told them he would split it in half and each cat would get one half.

The cats handed their bread over to the monkey. He split it in two pieces, but one of the pieces ended up larger than the other. Now the monkey nibbled on the larger piece and tried to make it equal but it ended on smaller than the other.

He kept nibbling on the bread, in attempts to make the equal, but he ended up eating all the bread! He had tricked the cats and when they asked him what he’d done. He said that if they had split the bread themselves this wouldn’t have happened. Laughing, the monkey swung away from the tree to tree.

The Clever Rooster Story

One day, on a fine evening, a hungry fox was trotting around the street when he saw a rooster sitting on the roof of a house. The fox thought that maybe, if he could eat up the rooster somehow, it would make such a wonderful fulfilling meal. “Oh dear rooster! You look like you have a terrible fever. Why don’t you come down so I can check” said the fox, looking up at the rooster. But the rooster was clever enough to know what the fox was up to. “Oh my dear fox” he said and began to laugh. The fox became embarrassed that the rooster had figured out his plan and ran away on the street.

The Forgetful Elephant Story

There once lived an elephant named Peter, who was the most forgetful elephant ever. It was almost as if he could never remember anything when the need be. He would often forget where he had kept his things. Or, he would forget if he had breakfast or not and end up having it twice. Sometimes he would even forget what he said to his friends and even the favorite character in his favorite movie. But the worst part of it all was that, Peter would often forget the plans he had made with people. He was notorious for always being late, that was in the case he remembered to actually show up at plan. But most of his friends had accepted Peter the way he was; except Suzy.

Suzy was Peter’s wife, and she was growing tired of Peter ditching plans all the time. Of course, Peter never intended to miss their hangouts, but somehow he would always end up forgetting. This made Suzy feel less important in his life day by day. One day Suzy met Peter and said: “It is our anniversary tomorrow and we will go out for dinner, if you’re not on time, we’re done for good.”

Peter was worried that he would upset Suzy this time. There had to be a way for him to remember. He took out a red ribbon from his drawer and tied it around his trunk. He thought that next morning when he would look at the ribbon it would remind him of the dinner and he would not miss it. That night Peter went to sleep thinking he was on to something. But, the next morning when Peter woke up and looked at himself in the mirror, he saw the red ribbon. But he had forgotten what it was for. He knew it had to remind him of something, but he no longer knew what. Peter panicked and panicked, he paced all around his house trying to figure out what it was that he was forgetting but to no avail.

He called all his friends and all the places he usually went to asking if he had a commitment with anyone, yet there were none. Soon night took over the sky and Peter decided that he would ask Suzy what the ribbon was for. She must remember. Peter rushed to Suzy and expected her to remember but even before Peter had the chance to ask her, she embraced him and gave him the biggest smooch he had ever gotten in all his elephant years. He had arrived in time for the dinner and they ended up going out and having a lovely night, full of love, laughter and fun. But Peter never found out what the ribbon was for.

The Monkey’s Heart Story

Upon the river bank there was crocodile who was about to lay eggs. Like any other lady about to pop out a baby, the crocodile had an odd situation of cravings going on. One day, proving to be the loving husband he was, her husband made the mistake of asking her what she would like to eat.

“A monkey’s heart” was her reply. Her husband was confused, and lost. How on earth was he to get a monkey’s heart? But being the great spouse he was, he came up with a plan. First, he destroyed the bridge the monkey usually used to cross the river.

When the monkey arrived at the bank, he stood confused. “Oh banana skins! Where on earth is the bridge?” That’s exactly the kind of question the crocodile had been waiting for. “Hey monkey! I’ll help you cross the river!” The monkey was surprised at the kind request and so he agreed. He climbed onto the crocodile’s back and they began to swim across the river but as they reached the middle, the crocodile confessed to the monkey. “I’m not really helping your cross the river. In reality my wife wants to eat a monkey’s heart and I will give you over to her.” The monkey was shocked, but he was a clever man. He knew what to do.

“I am so grateful for your honesty, but even if you give me over to your wife, she still won’t get my heart, because we don’t keep it in our chest.” smiled the monkey. “What? Then where is your heart?” asked the crocodile confused. “We keep our hearts on the highest tops of the fig trees, safe and sound. Since you have been so honest, if you agree to not hurt me, I will quickly go and fetch my heart and toss it to you” said the monkey. The poor crocodile who was a gullible creature, agreed.

“Sounds good” he said and they began to swim back to the bank. When they reached the bank, the monkey quickly climbed onto a tree and began to laugh. He had fooled the poor crocodile and had escaped. “Darn it!” snapped the crocodile, and began to swim back to his home, ready to face the wrath of his hungry wife.