A Man is Dying in the Hospital

He’s surrounded by his two sons, his daughter, his wife, and a nurse. He turns to his family and says:

“Peter, my eldest, I leave you the villas in Beverly Hills. Samantha, my beautiful daughter, to you I give the apartments in Los Angeles Plaza. Charlie, my youngest son, I see a long and bright future in you, so I leave the city center offices to you. And my dear wife, the three residential towers in downtown are all yours.”

The nurse hears all of this and is impressed at the man’s sizeable fortune. She turns to the wife and says, “Ma’am, your husband must be very rich to be bequeathing so many properties. You all are so lucky.”

Story about British Army

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old sergeant-major who, when asked where he would like to be measured, replied, ‘From the tip of my penis to my testicles.’
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old sergeant-major insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived at the barracks in the UK and instructed the sergeant-major to ‘drop ’em’, which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the sergeant’s penis and began to work back.
‘Dear Lord,’ The medical officer suddenly exclaimed, ‘Where are your balls?’
The old sergeant-major calmly replied, ‘Afghanistan.’

Big Fat But

eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says,
“I’m very sorry. I’m going to have to put your cat down.”
“Oh no! Because he’s so fat?”
“Yes,” says the doctor. “My arms are very tired.”

I Teased My Crush

She then turned pink and looked down. I gave her a wide smile.
Ten years later, she became my stepmother.
(This joke was translated from Chinese so sorry if parts don’t make sense.)

The Best form of Exercise

they don’t get the joke. You can’t blame them: sometimes jokes are just that confusing.
These jokes are all clean, so you can share them with your friends, family, and even kids! Whether it’s the punny humor or the clever use of words, these jokes are sure to give you a giggle.

Funny Jokes To Tell Humor Friends

  1. Did you know that best friends would not mind if your place is clean. All they need is beer.
  2. You may share all your secrets with me. They can be safe with my friends.
  3. While I was wondering how the ball was turning bigger in size, my friend hit me with it.
  4. Do you consider me your friend? Then be ready to pick my call 100 times a day.
  5. Yes buddy, I am ready to take a bullet from you. But only if you give me 1000 dollars.
  6. What if I say that potatoes can quarrel as they cannot see eye to eye.
  7. My boyfriend wanted a holiday so I sat home.
  8. My best friend is like pepperoni on pizza. Nevermind, it sounds right to me.
  9. Did you know that friends who like to work on algebra are called algebros?
  10. My friend got all cut. What? Yeah, he’s gone bald.
  11. Why do birds fly? That’s because it is easier than walking.
  12. Zero praised eight that it has got a stylish belt.
  13. You can be my friend as you match my level of craziness.
  14. Can you fix broken tomatoes? Yes, make them into a paste.
  15. My boyfriend and I laughed at how happy we were. But I ended up laughing more.
  16. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs
  17. What did the frustrated cat say? Are you kitten me right meow
  18. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality
  19. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything
  20. How did the hamburger know he needed new pants? His buns were showing
  21. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates
  22. What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain
  23. If you’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, what are you
  24. while you’re inside? European
  25. What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels
  26. When does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle
  27. What kind of cereal do dads like? Corn flakes
  28. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
  29. Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally
  30. If you see a robbery at an Apple store, what does it make you? An Iwitness