Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

and I still can’t get it to work.”
The electrician examined the lamp, then nodded his head. “Well, this lamp has a built-in clapper, see?”

“‘Clapper?'” the novice repeated.

The electrician nodded again, then clapped his hands… and the novice was enlightened.

‘Oh,’ replies the husband, ‘that’s my mistress.’

‘Well, that’s the last straw,’ says the wife. ‘I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.’

‘I can understand that,’ replies her husband, ‘but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don’t get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus’s in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.’

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

‘Who’s that woman with Jim?’ asks the wife.

‘That’s his mistress,’ says her husband.

‘Ours is much prettier,’ she replies

The farmer nodded. “Sure thing, but I have to go inside to get the money.” With that, he disappeared inside.The driver’s companion said, “What are you planning to do?”“I’m giving him a ten,” snickered the driver. “I’ll mark up the zero to look like an eight. He’ll never know the difference.”The farmer reappeared with a battered wallet. He took the bill offered him with the barest glance and put it into his pocket. Then he looked up and said, “How do you want the change? Two nines or three sixes?”

and another …” The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, “Mam … I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener.”

“Larry! What is it?!” asked Tom. “I have good news and bad news from heaven.” “What’s the good news?” “There is baseball in heaven after all, but the bad news is you’re pitching on Tuesday.”

realizing they were in a bit
of a pickle and tomato situation.

1. “Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
2. “Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
3. “Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.”
4. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
5. “Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!”
6. “Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got ‘Fine’ written all over you.”
7. “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cute-cumber’!”
8. “Excuse me, but I think you dropped something: my jaw.”
9. “Is it hot in here, or is it just you?”
10. “Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.”
11. “Are you a magician? Because whenever I’m around you, everyone else disappears.”
12. “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple!”
13. “Is your dad a baker? Because you’re a cutie pie!”
14. “Can you lend me a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.”
15. “Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?”
16. “Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.”
17. “If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.”
18. “Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a strong connection.”
19. “Is your smile from McDonald’s? Because I’m lovin’ it.”
20. “Excuse me, but I think you dropped something: my jaw.”

mischievous monkey snatched it, the hat stuck
firmly to his paw. The monkey struggled, but the
more he pulled, the sillier he looked.
The onlookers couldn’t contain their laughter,
leaving the monkey red-faced and hat-handed!

rushed to see the incredible chicken perform.
But when he arrived, the chicken had disappeared.
All that was left was a note: “Gone to join a jazz band.
Can’t resist the coop.”

with laughter. The banana
couldn’t stop cracking jokes,
but he slipped up when he
told one about a slippery peel.
That’s when the whole room burst
into laughter, including the
banana himself!

friend replied, “Because when
you chase fog, you’re always mist!”

just have to go chase my
own tail for a snack then!”