woman persisted “Every morning my
husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, ‘Fuck you!’”

do the paperwork, so the man is left alone for a while in Death’s office.

He thinks to himself about what he wants to do when he gets there, he could eat all of the delicious foods he never got to try on earth, he could drive the best sports cars he could imagine, he could even be a carefree child again.

He lingers on that final thought for a moment, it’s so appealing to him to be able to run around, play, be silly, with nobody judging him. He gets excited and stands up.

Death walks back into the office, just in time to see the man bouncing on the sofa. He asks “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” to which the man replies “I’m having the time of my life, or should I say the time of my death?” Just as he finishes speaking, the sofa tears open, and the man falls all the way through. Death is furious and screams “DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT WAS!? I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO EARTH NOW TO GET A NEW ONE”. The man sheepishly apologizes.

Death asks the man to stand up, and they begin their journey to the afterlife. As they arrive, Death says to the man “GO INSIDE, THEY WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO FROM HERE”. He obliges.

As he walks in, Satan says to the man “Welcome to Hell”

“Hell!?” the man splutters. “But I was told I was going to heaven, there must have been some kind of mistake!“

“Unfortunately that is not the case. You see, in life, you were a good man, however in death, you have behaved recklessly and with no consideration for the reaper cushions.”

stunned, but plows forward
and asks, “Is your dad home?”

The kid replies, “What the
fuck do you think?”

she would just go and live
with my brother too

marriage wasn’t working!
Why would you want to
start everything up again?”
“That’s always worked before”
he says.

“You will have to explain this.”
The nurse replies, “Same problem better insurance.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you
two apples, and another two apples and another two,

how many would you have?” Johnny: “Six.” Teacher: “Good.
Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two,

how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven!” Teacher:
“Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”