Husband was Sitting on the Sofa

racehorse I put a bet on a few days ago’. Satisfied, the wife apologised to her husband.
Several days later the husband is lounging on the sofa when his wife comes up behind him and snacks him over the head.
‘WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?’, he roared, leaping up and holding his head in pain.
The wife tossed the phone at him and said ‘Your horse called’.

When His wife refuses but he is very clever

and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve’s buddies
arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.

He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing
rod in hand, and a campfire glowing.

“How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?” “I didn’t have to,”
Steve replied. “Yesterday, when I left work,

I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because
I couldn’t go fishing. Then my lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said,

‘Surprise’. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see
through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed, and you
can do whatever you want,’ So, Here I am!”

Hubby Caught the Cheating

replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom.
I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when
they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out
of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a
sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an
idiot at the Smiths’ for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

I Recently got Engaged

A couple of days before the wedding, she called me at the house to help her make the
invitation cards. When I arrived, there was no one at the house. I went upstairs to her bedroom, knocked and went in. I sat down beside her, and started making the cards.
After a while, she said “Before you get married, I want to fuck you just once. Please”
I got up, went out of the room and after opening the door of the house, I saw my parents, fiance, and my future in-laws running towards me with tears in their eyes, saying “You’ve passed!”
Moral of the story: Always keep the condoms in the car!