Naughty Jokes

setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?”
“Yes, my master, I have.”
“And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?”
“Yes, my master, I have witnessed it.”
“And the moon… when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?”
“Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.”
“That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training.”

without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

and we can drop them off tomorrow.

asked the son where his father was.
The boy shocked us by saying,
“That man was not my father. He just told
me that if I wanted to get a free haircut
at the barbershop, I should come with him.”

to his problems and told him that
he should really visit a therapist
instead of a doctor.
The mosquito replied, “Yeah, I know.
I just came in because of the blood.”

Mr Very Rich Clay, what is your second wish?”

“Yeah I know but she has a
great personality.”

his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”

He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.” So the magistrate kept listening; “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

that said: “Mike, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the
first medical practitioner to sleep with one of your
patients, and you won’t be the last. And you’re single.
Just let it go, Mike.”

But invariably another voice in his head would bring
him back to reality, whispering:

What’s wrong with you Mike, you’re a veterinarian.

turns around and says,
“Don’t worry, dear.

That was just an insect.”
“Wow,” the boy replies.

“I’m surprised it could
get off the ground
with a cock like that!”

h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?”
J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Seven!”
T‌‌eacher: “‌‌Johnny, w‌‌here i‌‌n t‌‌he h‌‌eck d‌‌o y‌‌ou g‌‌et s‌‌even f‌‌rom?!”
J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Because I‌‌’ve a‌‌lready g‌‌ot a‌‌ f‌‌reaking c‌‌at!”

The clerk, somewhat used to sights such as this, nodded hello, then said, “It looks like you lost a shoe.”
The naked guy said, “Huh?”
The clerk pointed down at the fellow’s feet. “You lost a shoe.”
The hippie slowly moved his bloodshot gaze down towards the floor.
After staring silently at his feet for several seconds, he looked back up and spoke to the clerk.
“No I didn’t. I found one.”