Funny Holiday Quotes

“Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” — Dave Barry

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” —Johnny Carson
“At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” —Robert Godden

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple

“Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.” — Richard Lewis

“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.” — P. J. O’Rourke

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” — Author Unknown

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” — Andy Rooney