1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
  2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”
  3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
  4. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
  5. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”
  6. I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey! The sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He Said, “Yes, but not in a row!”
  7. Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck! Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck! Condom: Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing)
  8. Yo mama so fat, she doesn’t need internet, she’s already worldwide.
  9. Teacher: How much is a gram? Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need
  10. Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
  11. Why are frogs always so happy? They eat what ever bugs them
  12. I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey! The sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He Said, “Yes, but not in a row!”
  13. Yo mama is so ugly she made my happy meal cry
  14. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
  15. Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck! Condom: Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing)

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