God says, “My son, there was no fraud.
Biden won the electoral college fair and
square, 306 to 232.”
After a few seconds of stunned silence,
the one guy turns to the other and whispers,
“This goes higher up than we thought.”
The Sith and Mando laughs at
him saying he has a Bad Car.
The Sith having manipulated others
into giving him their wealth shows
off his McClaren F1. The patrons at
the bar are amazed and even the Jedi
has to admit it’s a nice ride. They both
end up saying it’s a Good Car.
The Mandalorian walks around
the corner and after a few
minutes comes screaming back
on his jet pack and blows
up the other cars. He
has the Beskar.
“I was in Afghanistan for one tour.” The interviewer says, “that will give you 5 extra points toward employment.”
Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?” The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.” The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Disabled in your country’s service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points!! Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “if the work hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM , why don’t you want me here until 10:00 AM ?”
“This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”
sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!”she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”
She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way”
I’ve slept with more than 1,000 women!”
Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m
a top gynecologist at the highest rated
hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year,
have patients and nurses who have sex with me
every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment
me on my 12 inch penis and I’ve slept with well over 5,000 women.”
Last guy chuckles, “I have you all beat. I
fucked over all the Redditors who were
expecting a punchline to this joke.”