instead he manages to fill only 1/4 of the barn.
The oldest son is next, he shovels in his truckload of hay only to discover that it’s not enough to fill to barn as well, only managing to fill 1/2 of the barn.
Last is the youngest son, he pulls out a lamp and some matches. He strikes a flame and lights the lamp, but as doing so he slips on a pile of cow shit inside the barn, causing him to drop the lamp and lit match onto the pile of leaves and hay his brothers left inside the barn. This causes a giagantic chain reaction resulting in the entire farm being burnt to smithereens as well as the next 75 miles of esate down south. He is charged with arson and sentenced to prison for 45 years.
Farmer: Maybe I should’ve just given the farm to my wife.

“What are these guys in the big suits doing?”
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but they refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man’s message was “Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land.”

An old man is selling watermelons. His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10
A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. “That’d be 3 dollars”, says the old man.
The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.
As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, “Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing.”
The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, “People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business…”

A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:
“Jim, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again.”
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Jim grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later the guy gets a second text: “Really should use spell check! That should be ‘wifi’”

Two homeless guys are on the street in front of the Vatican.
One has a big cross and the other a star of David.
The pope sees them and stops his whole entourage to go speak to them.
He says to the beggar under the star of David, “my son this is a Catholic country. You’re never going to get any charity with this Jewish emblem above you, especially as the fellow right next to you has a cross above him. In fact, I’ll bet some people would give to him purely to spite you.”
The one beggar turns to the other and says, “hey Moshe, look who’s trying to teach the Goldberg brothers about marketing!”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”
Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

~Emo Philips, The Best Religious Joke of All Time According to Someone