When old Couples want to Enjoy the old days

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.


The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.


After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”


Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”

No Need To Pay For Animals

The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up ‘panda.’
The definition reads: ‘An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves

Blonde Has Fun With Mailman

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said. “but what’s the dollar for?”

“Well.” she said. “last night, I told ME ‘ husband that today would be your last day. and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”

He said. “Screw him. give him a dollar.”

The lady then added. “The breakfast was My’ idea.”

This man is lying so Much.. He asked for everything

Again the little man umps down and kicks over every drink.
So the stranger gives the bartender two more hundred dollar bills, apologizes and turns to leave.
Before he can go the bartender asks what `vas up with his behavior.
The man says, “Well I freed a faerie from a spider web and she gave me three wishes. I asked to be the most handsome man in the world. and look at me. I asked to be impossibly wealthy. and now I have a never-ending supply of dollar bills in my pocket…
… Then I asked to have a to-inch prick.

Nuns Want Punishment For Their Sins. But Their Sins Were Blissful For Them

I took his penis in my hand.”

The priest says: -Do not be ashamed, child. Say a Hail Mary, was your hands in the holy water. and all will be forgiven.”

The fourth nun cuts infront of the third nun. The third min cuts back infront of the fourth nun. The fourth nun tries to cut infront of the third nun again and they get into a hair pulling fight.

The priest sees the commotion and yells: “Sisters, stop this at once! What has come over You?!”

The fourth nun points to the third nun and says: “I want to gargle the holy water before she washes her ass in it!”
••

He Wanted To Give His Wife A Surprise, But He Himself Was Surprised.

Beside himself with shock and grief, he retreats down the steps, drops the box of chocolates and the flowers in defeat as his life flashes before his eyes.
His suicidal thoughts are interrupted by mattress testing getting louder.
He snaps, grabs a baseball bat and goes back into the bedroom.
There he goes to town on the love birds under the blankets, whacking until all movement stops.
A few minutes later, he is in his kitchen, contemplating ending himself, when his wife comes up from the basement.
“Hi baby,” she says. “I’m very happy to see you back early, but since you weren’t supposed to be here tonight and your parents showed up late, I hope you don’t mind I let them have our bedroom for the night. I’m pretty sure they’re still up, have you had a chance to say hello?”