are feeling and why you are feeling this way. Sergio says “When I was a young chick, I was abused by a relative. My parents did not believe me. Then, my older brother Jesus Cortez, was killed horrifically in a farming accident. He was shredded into chicken fingers right before my eyes. My parents blamed me for his death and wished I had died instead.

The therapist says ” That’s horrible, you must feel so much trauma. Let’s talk about it before you do anything.” Sergio interrupts “You don’t understand, my parents and I reconciled some years back. We have a great relationship now and I no longer feel sad about my brother’s death. But when I was 18 I signed up for the military and was sent far away from home. I did horrible things, slaughtered women and children. I still see their faces sometimes.” The therapist responds “I see, many veterans of war suffer from depression, especially if you did something that compromised your morals so deeply.” Sergio replies “Doc, I’ve never told anyone this, but I enjoyed it! People, deep down, are basically animals I believe.

I was like a blood thirsty wolf and when I see the faces of my victims I smile. But after the war I became so lonely. I no longer had my war buddies and I’ve always been an ugly duckling so no woman wanted to have sex with me.” The therapists nods and says ” I see, loneliness can be very very hard on a person, but i can help you with strategies to make friends, your lonliness is only temporary and suicide is permanent.”

Sergio interrupts “Doc its OK now. After a couple years of bumming around I got a good paying job and found a woman who appreciated what I can provide for her. I have 5 daughters and 5 sons and I haven’t felt lonely in years. Really, I’m doing great!”
The therapist, puzzled, asks” I don’t understand, if you are feeling so amazing why are you wanting to commit suicide?”
The chicken replies ” To get to the other side.”

missing. Did you eat them?”
The chief of the Tribe checks with his people and says:

“No sir, we have not eaten anybody. It must be a coincidence.”

The CEO is skeptical but he has no evidence so he dismisses the Tribe.

Once they are away from the other employees, the chief turns to his
Tribe and asks: “Okay, which one of you idiots did it?”

A tribesman sheepishly puts up his hands and admits:
“I ate a secretary.”
The chief smacks the tribesman and yells:

“You fool! We’ve been eating middle management for weeks and nobody has noticed.
Then you had to go and eat someone that does actual work!”

Two homeless guys are on the street in front of the Vatican.
One has a big cross and the other a star of David.
The pope sees them and stops his whole entourage to go speak to them.
He says to the beggar under the star of David, “my son this is a Catholic country. You’re never going to get any charity with this Jewish emblem above you, especially as the fellow right next to you has a cross above him. In fact, I’ll bet some people would give to him purely to spite you.”
The one beggar turns to the other and says, “hey Moshe, look who’s trying to teach the Goldberg brothers about marketing!”

The Queen nods in assent, saying “you do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when you hold her n@ked in your arms. For your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good.”
On his turn, the knight asks “Lady, answer me without deceit. Is there hair between your legs?” When she replies, “none at all”, he comments, “Indeed I do believe you, for grass does not grow on a well-beaten path.”

runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

would always beat him home.
At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge,
then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?” “Yes”, the wife answers, “why do you ask?”
Frustrated, the man answered, “Put him on the phone, I’m lost and need directions!”