racehorse I put a bet on a few days ago’. Satisfied, the wife apologised to her husband.
Several days later the husband is lounging on the sofa when his wife comes up behind him and snacks him over the head.
‘WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?’, he roared, leaping up and holding his head in pain.
The wife tossed the phone at him and said ‘Your horse called’.
grows longer! Then he asks her, “Is it wide enough?” and again she says.
“I guess it could be just a bit wider.” So he starts tugging at his own
ears and it gets a bit wider.
An hour or so later the human couple get together to discuss. The man asks
the woman, “So how was your experience with the alien man? Be honest!”
She says “Honestly? No offense to you, but that was the single greatest
sexual experience of my life. What about you and the alien woman?”
The man replies, “Don’t get me wrong, it was good and all but she kept
slapping me in the head and pulling at
is for college boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”
“I see, what about the 6-pack?”
“That one is for young bachelors. Twice on a Friday, twice on a Saturday, and twice on a Sunday.”
The boy’s eyes widened as he asked, “And what about the 12-pack?”
“The 12-pack is for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…..”
“Thank you so much” she said, “Where is it?”
I said, “I’ve just told you, on the floor
outside McDonald’s.”
a harness out of the bag, instructing the guy to install it on the tree and help her to get “in position”. They have weird but awesome sex, and when they’re done he lifts her from the harness, sits her on the wheelchair and helps her get inside her home. As he is walking away the door opens again, and he sees the father of the girl calling him. He starts walking a little faster trying to get away from the angry dad, but he keeps calling him, and at the end he stops, bracing himself. The dad catches up to him, and tells him “Every Saturday morning I wake up to my naked daughter hanging from a tree, I just wanted to thank you for helping her get inside the house”
up the driveway when the dad steps in a pile of dog poop.
“SHIT!” He exclaims.
The little boy asks, “Daddy whats shit?”
Dad points to his shoe.
Sometime later, the boy goes upstairs to the bathroom to see his
dad shaving. He accidentally cuts himself and yells. “NUTS!”
“Daddy? Whats nuts?”
Dad points to his face.
Boy finally goes into this kitchen to see his mother stuffing a turkey.
She drops some of the stuffing on the floor and yells “FUCK!”
“Mommy? Whats fuck?”
She points at the dropped stuffing.
Sometime later, there is a knock on the door. Its a cop that is
investigating a rash of local crime, interviewing the neighbors.
The little boy answers the door and gleefully says
“Howdy Bastard! Wipe your shit on the mat. Dads upstairs shaving his nuts.
Moms in the kitchen fucking a turkey.!”
mummy a baby ?”
“yeh I did son, that’s right why do you ask…?”
“well don’t give her another, she ate the last one!”