the princess is having huge discomfort on her chest, he summoned all the palace workers and asked if they know the remedy. Johnny raised his hand and answered
“My Prince, I know of the solution of the problem, it’s a virus, originated in Spain which travels through many countries and infects people rapidly, there is only one solution to this, Prince… but I’m not sure you would like it.

The prince instantly replies “Go on, what is the solution?”
“Well, I know a person, he has the cure in his tongue, when his tongue touches the affected body part it cures the person, if you allow me I will call him immediately to the palace at once.”

“Yes, please do it.”
Johnny’s friend comes and does his thing, enjoying and savouring every moment of it, and also secretly applying the lotion which cures the itching. The Prince and Princess thank him, and he leaves.

At night, Johnny asked his friend for his pay to which his friend refused without any second thoughts and said
“I made a fool out of you, now go, I won’t give you your money. What are you going to do? Tell the prince that you sprinkled the itching powder on the princess?”

Johnny was very furious at this, he thought for a while and then he found out what to do. He sprinkled the itching powder on the prince’s underwear.

to ship condoms in from Mexico.”
Telephone voice says, “Bad idea… The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We’ll be a laughing stock. What about Canada?”

Biden: “Alright, I’ll call Justin and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches wide. That way, they’ll continue to respect us as Americans.”

Three days later, a delighted President Biden ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches wide, exactly as requested… All colored with red maple leaves and in small writing saying: ‘Made In Canada / Size: Small.’

chance you’ll go to the park but it might rain so it’s not definitely.”
Little Billy raises his hand and says, “My team are definitely going to win the game this Saturday.”

“No, I know you really want your team to win the game this Saturday but wanting is not enough to make it definitely.”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Miss, is there such a thing as a lumpy fart?”
“No.”

“Then I definitely just shat myself.”
EDIT. Thanks for the silver!!
2nd EDIT. Holy hell this blew up! Thanks again everyone!

it rains, and you get the same reaction, I want you to come straight in. OK?”
About two weeks later, after two days of steady rain, she’s in a fair amount of discomfort and heads to the Dr’s office.

The Dr has her stand in front of him and gets her to lift up her skirt. Examining her for a few moments he says, ” You’re right, it’s very inflamed, but I think I see the problem.”

He goes to his desk and grabs a pair of surgical scissors and sits back down in front of her. “This won’t hurt a bit”, he says as the scissors near her crotch.

She’s so afraid that she has to look away. After a couple of minutes of cutting he tells her, “OK, you can let your skirt down now. Try a few steps around the office and see if that’s made a difference.”
Cautiously at first she takes little steps, then her eyes light up and she takes several big strides.

“Oh Dr!”, she exclaims joyfully, “That’s such a relief, what did you do?!”
“Not much”, he said, “I just cut about two inches off the top of your rubber boots.”