I Recently got Engaged

A couple of days before the wedding, she called me at the house to help her make the
invitation cards. When I arrived, there was no one at the house. I went upstairs to her bedroom, knocked and went in. I sat down beside her, and started making the cards.
After a while, she said “Before you get married, I want to fuck you just once. Please”
I got up, went out of the room and after opening the door of the house, I saw my parents, fiance, and my future in-laws running towards me with tears in their eyes, saying “You’ve passed!”
Moral of the story: Always keep the condoms in the car!

A Girl Comes up to Her Stepdad

A girl comes up to her stepdad and asks to borrow his car.

The stepdad denies her so she begs and begs and begs until finally the stepdad says, “fine, I’ll let you borrow the car if you drop on your knees and s*u*c*k my dIck.”

Disgusted, she turns around and goes back to her room.

30 mins later, she comes back to ask again because she really needs to borrow his car.

He says “Ok, but you still have to suck my dIck.!” She agrees, “fine but you better not tell anyone!”

She drops to her knees and puts his dIck. in her mouth but instantly pops up on her feet. “Ew! Your dIcktaste like shit!”

The father then remembers, “oh that’s right, your brother has the car tonight!”

My Stepdad

six figures and going to
Hawaii this weekend to renew
his wedding vows with my mom.

A Girl in a Club

“And I’ve got no eyebrows,
so what does that tell you?”
“Going by the rest of your face,
have you been in a fire?”