Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head!

So that’s why we named you Lily.”

The third girl asks “HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?! DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!!!”

(do an exaggerated impression).

“Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock.”

The teacher asks, “Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?” Flora blushes and says, “That’s disgusting, I won’t even answer that question.” The teacher calls on Johnny: “What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?” “That’s easy,” says Johnny. “It’s the pupil of the eye.” “Very good, Johnny,” responds the teacher. “That’s correct.” She then turns to Flora and says, “First, you didn’t do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you’re in for a BIG disappointment.”

it only affects the toes.”
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees.
He admits, “I had kneesles, too.”
Finally, he pulls off his boxers.
In shock, the woman gasps, “Oh no — smallcox, too!”

anything you said.
Student: Same here.

What are the behaviors of a confident person? 

1.Has nothing to prove to anyone, doesn’t need to go around starting fights.
    2. Doesn’t need anyone’s approval to make a decision.
    3. Isn’t afraid to give to someone that could surpass him in life.
    4. Never needs anyone’s validation to maintain a good self esteem.
    5. Doesn’t make someone feel smaller to look larger in life.
   6. Admits wrong doing and owns up to it, with full accountability.
    7. Body language is open and loose, with straight posture to show a commanding presence.
    8. Owns a room with charisma.
    9. Does not hide from conflict, rises to action.
    10. Never ridicules others- it is a sign of insecurity.
   11. Speaks truth from the core of their being, and communicates with full conviction.
    12. Solid eye contact.
    13. Mentally controls emotions against outside environment.
    14. Practices what they want to do harder than anyone.
    15. Makes no excuses for failures.
    16. Does not need to be told how great they are because they have humility.
    17. Laughs at one’s self and doesn’t take the world too seriously.
    18. Stays focused on one’s own life and doesn’t need to compare oneself to others.
   19. Is honest no matter the consequences.
    20. Doesn’t need to be seen as anyone other than who they are, and unapologetically themselves.  

wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger.
The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed.

Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella’s tip at the tiger and shouts
Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.

Guy: That can’t be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.