Husband Wife jokes

Nick started glowing with happiness and kissing Monica purred, ‘Oh
darling, I’m the happiest man in the world.’
Monica smiled and added, ‘I’m glad that you feel that way, Nick, because
tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us.’

for her … Why can’t you do the same?”
“Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

best friend?”
“I’d say you’re a lesbian!”

racehorse I put a bet on a few days ago’. Satisfied, the wife apologised to her husband.
Several days later the husband is lounging on the sofa when his wife comes up behind him and snacks him over the head.
‘WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?’, he roared, leaping up and holding his head in pain.
The wife tossed the phone at him and said ‘Your horse called’.

and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve’s buddies
arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.

He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing
rod in hand, and a campfire glowing.

“How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?” “I didn’t have to,”
Steve replied. “Yesterday, when I left work,

I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because
I couldn’t go fishing. Then my lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said,

‘Surprise’. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see
through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed, and you
can do whatever you want,’ So, Here I am!”

I went to the doctor recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom.
I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when
they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out
of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a
sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an
idiot at the Smiths’ for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”