Man in Bar

says “yes” so the man says “ok,I’ll have a double” and the barman says“oh, you mean a large one”.

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A Nun on Round

to brutally pummel her head and face as she doubles over.Within a minute, she is reduced to a quivering, sobbing mess on the sidewalk. The drunk spits on the nun, and sneers.“Yeah. . .not so fuckin’ tough NOW, eh Batman?”

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The Unexpected ‘Definitely’ Sentence

“Teacher, can farts travel faster than thespeed of sound?” The teacher was taken abackand asked, “What does that have to do withusing ‘definitely’ in a sentence?” The boy replied, “Well, if you fart silentlyand it doesn’t smell, you can definitelysneak one past everyone without them even knowing.”

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Young Lady Starts a new Job

and leaves. The second customer wanders in. The clerk goes over the options with her,she purchases the black model and is on her way. Her third customer, a little old Polish lady,comes in some time later.The clerk describes both options, but the new customer asks “How much for the big red one onthe wall?” The…

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Story about British Army

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched…

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Wife on the Bed

just as he’s dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, walks past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked,…

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Slams the Door

She immediately gets on the phone and rings her husband at work.He tells her he will take theday off tomorrow just in case the man shows up a third time.The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both make for the door.The husband whispers to his wife, “Honey, I’m going to hide…

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Stung by a Bee

It must be miles away by now.””No, you don’t understand!”answers the doctor, “I’ll putsome cream on the place you were stung.”“Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house.”“No, no, no!” says the doctor getting frustrated, “I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting you.”“On my finger!” screamed the…

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Woman Walks into a Drugstore

“No sir, but do you mind if I waitaround here until someone does?”

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A Woman and a Baby come into the Doctor’s Office

pressing, kneading, and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says: “No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don’t have any milk!”The woman with a wry grin on her face responds: “Well of course I don’t.” “I’m…

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A Guy Picks up a Girl

in that. That gave him some relief.Suddenly he heard a gasp.The girl was standing at the doorway.Wide eyed she exclaims- “So, thats howyou guys fill up”.

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Old Man in a Forest

dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants todo the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”And so they did.Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, andso did their children, and their children after them.And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and…

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Job as a Cashier

and leaves. The second customer wanders in. The clerk goes over the options with her,she purchases the black model and is on her way. Her third customer, a little old Polish lady,comes in some time later.The clerk describes both options, but the new customer asks “How much for the big red one onthe wall?” The…

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A Man Walks into an Forest

a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

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Big Fat But

eyes. Then into its ears.Finally, she turns to the girl and says,“I’m very sorry. I’m going to have to put your cat down.”“Oh no! Because he’s so fat?”“Yes,” says the doctor. “My arms are very tired.”

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