Friend: Now think of clowns

“That’s a great idea.” He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a c*ndom.
“What size would you like?” asks the pharmacist.
“Big enough to fit a Camel.”

A Bible.
A silver dollar.
A bottle of whiskey.
A Playboy magazine.
‘I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up..”
“If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
“If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.

“But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
“And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine’s centerfold.
“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered. “He’s gonna run for Congress.”

never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. .
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

where he is. The usher became impatient with the man says “Sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved” Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher
as he marches off to get the manager.

In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to
move him, but with no success. It was at this point that the manager calls the police.

Moments later, a police officer arrives and
approaches the man, “alright buddy, what’s your name?”Sam” the man moans.

“And where ya from Sam?”
With pain in his voice, Sam replied “the balcony”