boxers quickly. The dad looked at me. I said,
“Dad, this is really not what it looks like.”
My Dad replied, “I hope so! Because it looks like
you are mastorbat!ng to a javascript tutorial!”
boy is learning and having fun too
This is the perfect example that man is useless and woman is clever..
In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”
She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank.”
“Amazing,” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”
“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman. ” I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree.”
“But, where did you get the tools?”
“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. ” On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”
The guy is stunned.
“Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.” “Would you like a drink?”
“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.”
“Oh, it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?”
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
” I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
“This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?”
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean…” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
“You’ve built a Golf Course too?”
Guy Goes to Doc Because his Tool is Orange
then asks the guy, “do you work around dyes or paints or anything like that?”
Guy says, “no.”
Doc asks, “Any chemicals or solvents?”
Guy says, “no doc, I don’t even have a job, all I ever do is sit around watching
pornos and eating Cheetos.”
Talking Chicken
favorite favorite kind of beer?”
The chicken says “Bock, bock, bock.”
The bartender says “Ha, ha, very funny, pal!”
The guy says “No, really! He can talk! Freddie, what’s a male deer called?”
The chicken says “Buck, buck, buck.”
The bartender says, “Okay, it was funny the first time, but now it’s kind of annoying!”
The guy says, “I swear! Give me one more chance! Freddie, who’s the best composer ever?”
The chicken says “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
The bartender says, “All right, that’s it! You’re outta here!” And the bartender throws him and the chicken out.
The guy says, “Freddie, you really disappointed me! How come you didn’t prove to the bartender that you can talk?”
The chicken says “what did you want me to say, Beethoven?“
He Wanted To Give His Wife A Surprise, But He Himself Was Surprised.
Beside himself with shock and grief, he retreats down the steps, drops the box of chocolates and the flowers in defeat as his life flashes before his eyes.
His suicidal thoughts are interrupted by mattress testing getting louder.
He snaps, grabs a baseball bat and goes back into the bedroom.
There he goes to town on the love birds under the blankets, whacking until all movement stops.
A few minutes later, he is in his kitchen, contemplating ending himself, when his wife comes up from the basement.
“Hi baby,” she says. “I’m very happy to see you back early, but since you weren’t supposed to be here tonight and your parents showed up late, I hope you don’t mind I let them have our bedroom for the night. I’m pretty sure they’re still up, have you had a chance to say hello?”
