When Little Johnny Talk Like An Adult

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but let’s talk like an adult,
remember? “My family enjoyed a
fine bowl of macaroni and cheese” –.
do you see? OK, Becky, you try: What pets do you have?

Becky: My mommy has a kitty and my daddy has a bunny.
Mrs. Smith: That’s great, but as an adult, remember?

“My mother has a cat and my father has a rabbit.”
Little Johnny, you try: What did you do for fun last night?

Little Johnny thinks hard and replies
Well, my mommy and my daddy and me all watched Winnie the Shit

When Blind man order a dirty fork

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A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork.
He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him.

The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
“Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have — meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner’s wife.

He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
“Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you.
I’ll go get you a dirty fork.”

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says,

That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”
Walking away in disbelief,

the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife
that the next time the blind man comes in he’s going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the
kitchen. He tells his wife, “Mary,
rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.”

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down,
the owner is ready and waiting.

“Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and
I already have the fork ready for you.”

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
“Hey I didn’t know that Mary worked here.”

When Father and mom Get Divorced

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sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!”she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”

She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way”

When He shows Up His A New Bike

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girl on her bike came up to me
started taking off her clothes

and said ‘its all yours’ so I
just took the bike” he said.

His friend replied “Good choice
bro the clothes probably didn’t even fit you”

When Donald Proves He is Smart

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‘My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.’

The little boy said, ‘That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you. America ‘s smartest President took my schoolbag…

Edit : Thank you for the rewards and upvotes !

When He Finds out His Wife is Pr0stitute… And

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when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by three rotations in jack-knife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.

She said, “That was incredible.”

He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the ripples from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool. After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.

He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”

“No,” she said, “I was a prostitute in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”

When man hire a Ho0ker from casino..

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His friend interrupts, “What? That’s an expensive blowjob. And $150 for the pussy?”

The guy says, “well, turns out it was actually a dude so no pussy. I was horny as hell, so $150 for anal.”

His friend says, “Wow, was it worth it?”

He responds, “Yeah. It was great. My asshole still
hurts a lot but completely worth it. “

When Johnny Must Be savage

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h‌‌ow m‌‌any w‌‌ould y‌‌ou h‌‌ave?”
J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Seven!”
T‌‌eacher: “‌‌Johnny, w‌‌here i‌‌n t‌‌he h‌‌eck d‌‌o y‌‌ou g‌‌et s‌‌even f‌‌rom?!”
J‌‌ohnny: “‌‌Because I‌‌’ve a‌‌lready g‌‌ot a‌‌ f‌‌reaking c‌‌at!”

When Little Johnny learns a lesson about karma…

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Johnny plays nice for a bit but starts getting rough again.
The neighbor says, “be nice Johnny or karma will get you.”
Johnny again plays nice for a bit but starts getting rough again.
Suddenly the Mom comes running over and nips little Johnny.
The neighbor says, “what did you learn John