The Clever blonde in school

by

Next day the blonde came…
home and went to her mother and said, “Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! …. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!”
The mother says, “Very good honey.” The blonde then asked. “Is that because I’m a blonde, Mommy?” The mother responds, “Yes dear.”
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts.
Is that because I’m a blonde, Mommy?” And the mother responds, “No Honey, it’s because you’re twenty five.”

Dark Humour Funny Jokes

by

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. But, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one of those. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words

“antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

When Old Man is Selling Watermelons

by

An old man is selling watermelons. His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10
A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. “That’d be 3 dollars”, says the old man.
The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.
As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, “Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing.”
The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, “People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business…”