What’s better than a hilarious joke? A hilarious joke that’s filled with smut and innuendo, of course. And have we got some great dirty jokes for you.
From naughty gags to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humor, look no further. Short rude jokes, jokes, chat-up lines, Rude knock-knock jokes.
“I really love what you just did for my mom. That proves me that you actually loved my mother and you respected her”
Man: Babe, are you crazy?! Those Israelis are the same people who buried Jesus and three days later he came back to life. I’m not about to take that risk with your mother.
they don’t care, they love him,
he is a good man, and wouldn’t
trade him for the world.
gets his tuxedo.
He wants himself and his date to arrive in style, so he looks to rent a limousine for the night. He goes to the limousine centre, and finds a line of people waiting to rent out a limo, but he patiently waits in line, and manages to hire a limo for prom night.
The morning of the prom he decides to buy his date a bunch of flowers. When he arrives at the florist, he sees a long line of people waiting for their bouquets. He’s annoyed, but he waits patiently, and manages to buy a big bouquet.
During the prom, everything is going well, the boy is dancing with his date, and having a good time. His date whispers into his ear to ask if he can get her some fruit punch. The boy looks over at the table and there was no punchline.
Conceiving a girl child is totally up to chance. But you can try a few ways to make the chance or probability higher!
Each parent has a 50/50 chance of determining the gender of their child. The biological sex of a child is determined by the chromosome provided by the male father (male or female). XY chromosomes are found in males, while XX chromosomes are found in females. Females must provide one of their X chromosomes, whereas males can provide either the X or Y chromosome.
Because it reduces the depth of penetration, having intercourse in a missionary position is considered to improve your chances of conceiving a female. As a result, the sperm can only ejaculate so close to the cervix. Because boy sperm move very fast for short periods of time, you may be able to prevent the boy sperm from reaching and fertilising the egg by limiting deep entry. (Another explanation for this is the vaginal pH; it is more acidic towards the entrance, which is better for girl sperm.)
According to Shettles’ method, you should have intercourse 2 to 4 days before ovulation to boost your chances of having a daughter. This approach is based on the idea that in acidic conditions, girl sperm is stronger and lasts longer than boy sperm. Only female sperm should be left by the time ovulation occurs. Shallow penetration is also recommended by Shettles to give girl sperm an advantage. Sperm can enter the female body at the vaginal opening, which is a more acidic environment, in this fashion. This also aids the survival of female sperm. According to Shettles, this procedure has a 75% success rate in producing a daughter.
To conceive a girl, Whelan recommends having sex two or three days before ovulation or on the day of ovulation. Male and female sperm operate differently at different stages in a woman’s menstrual cycle, which is why the timing is important. At this time in the cycle, sperm with X chromosomes (female sperm) are more likely to fertilise an egg. Girl sperm has a better chance of surviving when you have sex closer to ovulation or on ovulation day. According to Whelan, this procedure has a 57 percent success rate in conceiving a daughter.
Author Kathryn Taylor came up with the idea. For three months before attempting to conceive, you’ll track your luteinizing hormone (LH) twice a day – once in the morning and once in the evening. You can comprehend trends in your menstrual cycle since a surge in this hormone suggests that ovulation will occur within the next 12 to 48 hours. You can better predict ovulation this way. The Babydust approach recommends having intercourse two or three days before ovulation after tracking the hormone for three months. The goal is to give female sperm an advantage once more. The boy sperm will no longer be viable by the time the egg arrives.
Eating more fruits and vegetables can help you conceive a female child. Yes, you should eat foods high in magnesium, such as whole grains, seafood, lean meats, and some nuts (Brazil nuts are a good choice). Remember to consume dairy products like butter, milk, eggs, and yogurt to boost your chances of conceiving a female. Furthermore, there is good news for dessert fans who wish to have a daughter: a higher level of sugar in your bloodstream raises the acidity of your reproductive system, so you don’t have to give up dessert!
Foods that are thought to increase your chances of conceiving a girl include:
| Sr No. | Diet |
|---|---|
| 1. | Berries |
| 2. | Eggs, milk, cheese, butter, yogurt |
| 3. | Apples |
| 4. | Cashews, nuts |
| 5. | Peanut butter |
| 6. | Beans |
| 7. | Almonds |
| 8. | Broccoli |
| 9. | Rhubarb |
| 10. | Citrus fruits |
| 11. | Edamame and tofu |
| 12. | Dark, leafy greens, Spinach |
| 13. | Oats and oat bran |
| 14. | Amaranth (an ancient grain) |
| 15. | Fortified breakfast cereals |
| 16. | Seeds, like pumpkin, flax, and chia |
| 17. | Seafood, especially sardines and canned salmon |
The Chinese calendar has been in use for centuries. The gender of the infant is determined by the mother’s age and the month in which she conceives, according to the Chinese calendar. You can use the calendar to figure out what month you should try to conceive in order to have the baby gender you want. (According to some lunar calendar specialists, this method is 99 percent accurate!)
Innovative people are working overtime to make our life simpler and each year brings us something new. In following, we present to you 29 smart new inventions that are fresh and upcoming..
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Man to very beautiful airhostess:- “What’s your name?”
Air hostess:- “Eva Benz..”
Man :- “Lovely name…any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Air hostess:- (smiling) “maintenance cost is same”
so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”
Jeny: “What’s the matter with your wife? She looks all broken up.”
Rob: “She got a terrible shock.”
Jeny: “How was it?”
Rob: “She was assisting at a rummage sale at the church and she took off her new $2 hat and somebody sold it for 30 cents.”
Me: “The electricity company and
the water company.”
annoyed by his complaining that it beat the man to death.
At the funeral the rest of the village lined up to speak to the woman.
She would nod her head to all the men that spoke to her, and shake her
head no to all the women. Afterwards the priest spoke to her:
“Why did you shake your head yes to the men and no to the women?”
She replied:
“The men all gave their condolences, so I nodded my head yes to thank
them politely. The women all asked if the mule was for sale.”
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “Hello, sir, how are you?”
“Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book.
“I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked.
“First time since my wife passed away last year,” he replied, and again turned back to his book.
“Do you live around here?” she asked.
“Yes, I live over in Suntree,” he answered, and then resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. “Do you like pussycats?”
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”
The man replied, “How did you know my name was Katz?”
After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we forgot to wear a condom.
The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said “I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.
The husband replied” Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.
She’s there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.
She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.
They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.
She smiles, and says,”I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.
Only this time, she plays left-handed.
The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They’re totally amazed.
They can’t figure her out.
She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner.
They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.
However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.
They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”
The lady blushes, and grins. “When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous.” she replies. “I like to switch back and forth.”
“When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”
The guys think this is hysterical.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”
She says, “Then, I’m fifteen minutes late.”
