A man named Rob gets pulled over for suspected DUI

Police: Do you know why I pulled you over? Rob: No. Police: I pulled you over since it seems like you are drunk. Do you mind me doing a test on you? Rob: Sure. Police: You see a vehicle with two headlights behind you. What is the vehicle? Rob: A car? Police: Yes, but what…

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A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral

A huge heart-shaped mausoleum covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes turned to him, he said,…

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An intern at a mental hospital starts his first day

He comes across a patient walking through the halls and asks “Who are you?” The patient answers “I’m Napoleon.” Not sure how to handle this, the intern decides to be polite and asks “How do you know?” The patient responds “Jesus told me.” Another patient, overhearing this conversation, suddenly turns around and says “No, I…

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The CEO calls a young employee into his office.

CEO: When you joined the company, you were just an intern. Within a year, I promoted you from intern to associate, from associate to manager, and from manager to senior manager. I keep promoting you because I recognized your talent and hard work. Today, I’ve called you in to tell you that I’m preparing to…

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A farmer buys a new rooster to replace his old one, and puts him in the chicken coop…

The new rooster walks up arrogantly to the old rooster and says “out of the way old man! These are my hens now. Your time is done.” The old rooster rolls his eyes. “Alright, fine, I get it. I’m old. But I still have some living left to do, and won’t give up my hens…

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Three sorority sisters meet for brunch 20 years after graduation.

The waiter asks, “What will you have today?” “White wine, and a salad.” “White wine and a salad, also.” “White wine! And a salad!” The conversation starts and Amanda says, “Why don’t you tell us a little about your life, Stacey?” Stacey says, “It’s amazing! I’m married to an international businessman and we travel all…

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Chatting in the pub with my Scottish pal

Chatting in the pub with my Scottish pal and I was stuck on a crossword clue; “Stranded on a Desert Island (8)” “Marooned?” He said. I replied “Oh nice one, I’ll have another beer but I still need an answer when you come back.”

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Medvedev calls Putin, nervously telling him that it would be a good idea to get rid of time zones altogether

“Why”? Putin asks “I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. – I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she has it tomorrow. – I wish the Chinese President a happy New…

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A man wanted to increase his arm strength…

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A man walks into a bar and orders a 21-year-old whiskey

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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea – one called Justin and the other called Christian.

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A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink

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Electrician and Monk

and I still can’t get it to work.”The electrician examined the lamp, then nodded his head. “Well, this lamp has a built-in clapper, see?” “‘Clapper?’” the novice repeated. The electrician nodded again, then clapped his hands… and the novice was enlightened.

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Dinner at a very Fine Restaurant

‘Oh,’ replies the husband, ‘that’s my mistress.’ ‘Well, that’s the last straw,’ says the wife. ‘I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.’ ‘I can understand that,’ replies her husband, ‘but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don’t get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more…

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The Country Farmer and Two City Men

The farmer nodded. “Sure thing, but I have to go inside to get the money.” With that, he disappeared inside.The driver’s companion said, “What are you planning to do?”“I’m giving him a ten,” snickered the driver. “I’ll mark up the zero to look like an eight. He’ll never know the difference.”The farmer reappeared with a…

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