A man enters a craft chocolates shop and asks if they could make a chocolate model car for him.
“Sure, no problem” “And can it look like the VW Beetle that my dad had?” “Nice idea, no problem at all.” “And can you make it so that the chocolate doors open and you can see the interior detailed in chocolate, like with a plastic model car? Same with the bonnet and trunk?” “that will…
Read MoreA newly divorced woman is strolling along the beach
A newly divorced woman is strolling along the beach, disappointed about how horribly the divorce settlement turned out for her. As she’s walking, she spots an old lamp half buried in the sand. Hopelessly, she picks it up and rubs the lamp, and to her surprise, a genie appears! The genie notices she is upset…
Read Moreman overseas fighting a war
He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. In all, he got more than 25 pictures of various women (some with clothes and some without). He then mailed them to his now-former girlfriend with the following note: “I don’t remember which one you are. Please remove…
Read MoreWeekend end Planes
Next up is Rose “I rode the choo choo with my family” “Sounds fun!” The teacher replies “but again, we use big kid words. You rode the train with your family” Then it’s Johnny’s turn to talk about his weekend, he thinks for a second, then says “this weekend I watched Winnie the Shit with…
Read MoreThe young Rabbi was and Avid Golfer
An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God, “This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?” “Of course it is,” said the Lord, smiling. “Who can he tell?”
Read MoreCustomer in Italian Restaurant
“Your pizza is superb,” the customer tells the chef. “I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there.” “Naturally,” the chef says. “Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!”
Read More7 Year old and a 4 Year old
“I’ll have frosties, bitch”WHACK, he flew out of his chair crying his eyes out. Mum looks at the 4 year old and says sternly “And what do you want?”“I don’t know, but it won’t be fucking frosties”
Read MoreIn a Local Bar
(weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled…
Read MoreWhat do You Want to Be When You Grow Up ?
an apartment in Copacabana,a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door ina hurricane.”The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries…
Read MoreBlonde In Store
Finally the blonde got fed up and said, “That’s it! How’d you know I was a blonde?!” she asked.The salesman answered: “Cause that’s a microwave.”
Read MorePutin Was Being Held Hostage by a Terrorist
him on fire. So we’re asking drivers for donations.”The driver said, “Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average?”“About a gallon.”
Read MoreEnglish, Scots Irish Mans
the judge said “I love Ireland, it has given us the greatest music, poets, writers and art – because of this you get 2 requests” The Irishman thought and said “firstly I’d like 200 lashes, and second of all strap the Englishman to my back”
Read MoreWoman with Big Thing
After a short delay the gynaecologist repliesin a muffled voice “I’m just coming out, can you repeat that?”.
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Jesus’ Teaching – The Parable of the Kind Stranger
In a small village, a weary traveler arrived late at night, hungry and without shelter. He knocked on many doors, but each one turned him away, saying they had no room or food to offer. Finally, he came to a humble house at the edge of the village, where an old woman lived alone. Without…
Read MoreShort, clean jokes that gets a laugh every time
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The…
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