Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

What’s better than a hilarious joke? A hilarious joke that’s filled with smut and innuendo, of course. And have we got some great dirty jokes for you.

From naughty gags to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humor, look no further. Short rude jokes, jokes, chat-up lines, Rude knock-knock jokes.

How can I make my life simpler?

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How can I make my life simpler?

  •     Don’t watch TV. It is waste of time and mental energy. Kicking it out will make your life simpler, happier and more productive.
  •     Before you organize, ELIMINATE. Everything: clutter, tasks, social obligations, meetings, boring people, meaningless activities. Define what is essential and eliminate ruthlessly.
  •     Do 1 thing at a time. It is more difficult than it sounds, but it is proven to be more productive, less stressful and yes, simpler.
  •     Track your income and your expenses. Life is much simpler when you are aware of your finances.
  •     Turn off the notifications on your cell phone. It is so helpful!
  •     Write things down. Not just expenses (see #4) but also your thoughts, fears, problems, ideas. When it’s on the paper it doesn’t occupy your mind.
  •     Write To-do list with 3 tasks. Verbarize it- use verbs instead of nouns. (Meaning, instead of writing: Project XYZ, write: create an outline and delegate tasks to person A, B and C for project XYZ). Simple and works!
  •     Work slowly, devoted. That is how great work is done, stress is minimal and life simpler.
  •     Know thyself. It will help you understand your emotions, change your habits, recognize your triggers, optimize your work. Simply wonderful.
  • What is one piece of simple advice that actually changed your life?
  • A few years ago, when I was agonizing over my future career path, my dad told me to make a list of the things in life that make me happy.
  • Then, split the list into two categories.
  • The first category includes any type of happiness that you can feel instantaneously. Sipping hot chocolate on a chilly day. Hitting the snooze button to steal another five minutes of sleep. Binge-watching the new season of your favorite show.
  • The second category includes any type of happiness that takes a long time to appear and a long time to fade. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Mastering difficult skills. Building closer relationships with the people you love.
  • Some of the items in the first category, my dad explained, might clash with the items in the second. The more hot chocolate you consume, for example, the less nutritious your diet becomes.
  • But a few items in on your list, just a few, might actually fit into both categories. The best painters in the world obtain joy both from the instantaneous act of painting and from the ultimate goal of becoming a world-class artist. The best soccer players love being out on the field just as much as they love becoming better athletes.
  • Circle these items, these things that bring you both short-term happiness and long-term happiness.

These are the things that you can spend your life doing, and never feel like you’ve worked a day.

Two Girls Shared Same Boyfriend

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Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they’ve had in the last year. One girl says “The last 3 boyfriends I’ve had, I’ve named after soda pops. The first one I called 7 Up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up. The second one I called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do. The third I called Jack Daniels. Then the other girl interrupts saying “Hold on a minute. Isn’t Jack Daniels hard liquor?” The girl smiles and says “Yes it is”

When a Man want to dying

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successful financially. When their father died and they saw him in the coffin, they remembered his wish. First, the doctor stacked 10 crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased. Next, the financial planner placed $1,000 there in 20 crisp $50 bills.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer’s turn. He slowly reached into his pocket, removed his chequebook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father’s coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

10 Ways to Live your Life to the Fullest

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Do you feel as if you are sleep-walking through life? Do you crave for some more freedom? Do you wish for some more adventure? Do you wish you simply had more time? Do you want to live your life to the fullest before it ends? If so, then this article is meant for you. There are so many people who go through with their lives, but never really experience what it has to offer. There’s one thing you need to understand – everything that holds you to a life not desired by you is in fact a prison that is created by your very own mind. Reading on, you will find ideas that you can put into practice for living your life to the fullest. Here are the 10 ways……….

1. Create your to-do list and begin checking things off:

You very well know that you’re going to die one day. But before that day arrives, make sure you have most of the items checked off. Experience the world as much as you can before you die.

2. Set your goals and write them down:

Set your goals by day, week, month and year periods. By writing them down, you will know exactly what is there to be achieved for every stretch of your life and will make you more likely to achieve them.

3. Don’t let other’s expectations pressurize you:

Never select a path in your life based solely on the expectations set upon you by others. Whether it’s your friends, parents or perhaps anyone in your society, don’t let their decisions influence you to change the path you have chosen.

4. Stop whining and complaining:

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If there’s something going on in your life that you’re not happy about, don’t start complaining or fretting about it. Instead, you can opt for the better option of working actively to set things right.

5. It’s OK if you fail:

If you ever experience failure in your life, try not be bothered by it. Trying and failing is not a problem, but failing to try is. So never stop trying, and besides, failure is just the first phase of success.

6. Live with a positive mindset:

You can always make a big difference – once you stop underestimating your true potential. Approach every challenge in life with the thought “how am I going to achieve this?” rather than “what can I possibly do?”

7. Take care of your body and mind:

Eat healthy food whenever you can and sleep well at night. Exercise regularly because, after all, it is your body and mind with which you are going to achieve whatever you want in life.

8. Plan for the future, live in the present:

While it is important to plan for the future, it is equally important to live in the present. Don’t sacrifice today for tomorrow. Find out a way to enjoy your life while working towards better and bigger things.

9. Live your life consciously:

Don’t put your life on the auto-pilot mode. Always keep asking yourself “why am I doing this?” If plenty of days go by and you’re still searching for a reasonable answer, then it’s probably time for you to make a change.

10. Start overcoming your fears:

There will be times when your circumstances or personal flaws will hold you back from doing things you truly want to do. You will then have two choices – either accept your fears or face them. Which one will you go for?

Remember not to live your life as though you’re going to live forever. Hope these 10 insights were valuable. Take them seriously to ensure you won’t have to die while never having lived to the fullest.

Widow Needs Good

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RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, ‘You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you…you have no legs! The old man smiled, ‘Therefore, I cannot run around on you!’ She snorted. ‘You don’t have any arms either!’ Again, the old man smiled, ‘Therefore, I can never beat you!’ She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, ‘Are you still good in bed???’ The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, ‘I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?